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The Birthday That Wasn't

The Birthday That Wasn't - Photo by ML

The Birthday That Wasn't

— Photos by ML

The day wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Not this day! It was the 6th birthday of my younger daughter, and it was supposed to be perfect. She had been looking forward to this day for so long, or, as she would put it, "foreeeeeever!" We all had. She couldn't wait to be another year older.

Like every "little" girl, my daughter wants to be a "big" girl, and every birthday gets her one step closer. Naturally, there are also many other reasons why she absolutely loves birthdays (what kid doesn't?). She gets presents and a big cake with lots of frosting (would be nothing but frosting if she had her way). But most importantly, it's her day! She dresses up in a party dress and gets to decide pretty much everything.

Looking Forward

Looking Forward to Days Like This - Photo by ML

Looking Forward to Days Like This

— Photo by ML

My initial thought was to write about the decade that was. After all, so much had happened, and so much had changed. Good things. Bad things. Strange things. Exciting things. Mundane things. In short: life happened. This was the decade when I won it all, and then lost it all.

OK. Stop! Yes, I lost all assets and my finances will remain a total mess for years to come. But during the last half of the last year of the decade I also got my life back. And what was otherwise a very difficult decade, actually ended on a tremendous up-note. Therefore, instead of looking back, I will look forward!

I'm looking forward to lazy summer days with my girls. Sure, they'll remain in Greensboro for the foreseeable future, and I won't be able to see them as often, or even whenever, I want. But I'll keep going there on a regular basis, and I'll find additional ways (beyond phone, email, IM, etc.) to stay in touch with them several times per week.

Cruising Altitude

Cruising Altitude - Photo by Aquila

Cruising Altitude

— Photo by Aquila

We've reached our cruising altitude. It's late evening on a Friday before Christmas and I'm finally on my way home from a quick business trip to Jacksonville, FL. The weather forecast is calling for a winter storm in the North East, but the flight is on-time and we have a good tailwind. Who knows? We may even land early in Philadelphia. That would be such a perfect ending to what (with a little luck) will have been the last trip of this year. But .. let's not jinx it!

From my window seat I can barely make out a few lights on the ground through breaks in the cloud cover. The night sky is pitch black outside. The overhead lights in the cabin have been dimmed. I'm tired and can barely keep my eyes open. Actually, "worn out" is probably more accurate. This has been a very long week closing out a series of long weeks. Come to think of it: it has been a crazy year! So much work. So much travel. So many changes in my life. So much of everything — enough to fill several years.

450 Miles

At the Greensboro library - Photo by ML

At the Greensboro Children's Museum

— Photo by ML

There are about 450 miles between my girls and myself. They live in Greensboro, NC, and I live smack in the middle of Philadelphia. Or, looking at it another way: it takes about 7 hours to get there by car, or a little over 1 hour to fly there. In other words, it's not around the corner, but it's also not on a different planet.

How this all came about is a rather long and painful story. Now, several months after the battle officially ended, the dust is starting to settle slowly, and all parties involved are again trying to get used to the realities of everyday life.

Not too long ago, we all used to live together in a house in a small town in Connecticut. It's strange, but that life seems so distant now, that even I sometimes wonder if I dreamt the whole thing. Regardless, I am determined to stay close to my girls, and I make it a point to speak with them on the phone a few times per week. I also visit them as often as finances and work schedule allow, which currently means that I get to see them every 6 weeks — a very big change from seeing them everyday!

My Father

Father and Son - Photo by Justin Knol

Father and Son

— Photo by Justin Knol

I remember the first time I met my father. We met at some small third-rate restaurant in a suburb south of Stockholm where he worked as a cook. It felt strange to finally meet him, especially after all the effort that had gone into finding him. But there he was, right across the table. Up until then I had only seen one or two photographs of him, both taken sometime in the early 1960s, and I remember that I thought he looked old.

We were now trying to catch up with each other, both trying to play our designated roles: he the "father", and I the "son." It was very awkward. Fortunately there were a few other guests in the restaurant, so, from time to time, he had to get up and take care of them. We managed to mangle through a bit of smalltalk, and after a short while he went into the kitchen to cook for me — I remember that it was a something called "plankstek." We were both trying to reconnect. We both wanted to. But how do you reconnect with someone who you don't know and who you haven't seen since you were a little kid?

Urban Poverty and the Ugly Animal

Strawberry Mansion, Philadelphia - Photos by ML

Strawberry Mansion, Philadelphia

— Photos by ML

Walking through the Strawberry Mansion section in North Philadelphia is quite an experience. You can see hints of a very different world from the past in the ornate row houses and avenues. There are so many details on these brick that call out the amazing craftsmanship from another era. Inside many still have beautiful ceilings, and here and there one can still find the original leaded stained glass panels above the entrance doors. The houses usually have hardwood floors, high ceilings, and stairs with wooden balusters and hand rails...

Stop! This sounds almost like a description of the houses in Philadelphia's Society Hill section? Maybe so, but only because I left out a few details. Society Hill and Strawberry Mansion are both romantic names hinting at a glorious past, and, in terms of geography, they're actually only 4.5 miles apart. But in terms of everything else, they might as well be on different planets.

Lessons From Germany

Paderborn, Germany - Photos by ML

Paderborn, Germany

— Photos by ML

I am one week into a two-week training and conference trip to Germany, and I thought it was time to share a few observations. But before I continue, you should know that if you're looking for an insightful tips-n-tricks article for traveling to Germany, please stop reading now.

[don't worry, I will wait while you type in a new URL and/or click on a different link]

Now, one more warning: the opinions expressed in this post are highly subjective (it's my blog, dammit!), poorly researched (if at all), and most likely affected by high levels of caffeine (at least 3 cups of espresso just today).

Rebuilding My Life

Strawberry Mansion - Photo by ML

Strawberry Mansion

— Photo by ML

Now it's five months since I moved from Connecticut to a one-bedroom apartment smack in the middle of Philadelphia. And what an incredible five months it has been! Virtually every aspect of my life has changed, and with that, not only my outlook on life, but also how I view things in life.

And I must confess, that although some of the changes have been quite drastic, I'm glad it all happened. Here in Philadelphia I'm able to shed the last remnants of the "old" me and my "old" thinking. I feel much better today, much stronger, and much more positive.

A Day Off

We're in a vintage store somewhere in Brooklyn. It's a Wednesday evening and we've taken the day off from work to spend it in New York.

First a late lunch (Jamaican patties and curried goat) on a park bench (in January!). Then an afternoon at the Brooklyn Museum.

Finally, we're invited to a birthday party later this evening. What a great day .. in the middle of the week. Kinda feels like skipping class!

- another note from my phone

First Day

North 3rd Street - Photo by ML

Easy, lazy, slow morning. Strolling through Old City with D. Rummaging through the racks at a vintage clothes store. Coffee at Cafe Ole on 3rd Street.

Plans for the year. Plans for our future. So many possibilities. So many opportunities. It's the first day of the new year, and we're off to a very good start.

- another note from my phone

Last Night

Last Night - Photo by ML

Last night of the year .. of the decade. Walking the dog in a small alley behind my building. It's quiet. Light drizzle. A little snow from earlier. People are still getting to their various parties.

So much to think about. So much has happened. It has been an incredible ride. Some high highs, and some very low lows. Still a few unresolved issues.

But now it feels good. I feel calm. Hopeful. Strong. Happy. Content. It's a good last night closing out a long decade.

- another note from my phone

Airport, Saturday Morning

Sitting at the airport in Philadelphia on a Saturday morning in December. Christmas muzak is blaring at me from everywhere. I'm watching fellow travelers walking, sitting, talking, waiting, reading, eating.

It's still early and the frenzied airport day has not yet begun. Soon luggage will be lost, connections will be missed, travelers will be late and even lost. But it's the weekend and there are few, if any, "road warriors" in the terminal.

People are going home, going to visit friends and relatives, going away for personal reasons. The airport is different on the weekend. There are no harried business men or women clinging to power outlets along the walls in terminals trying to recharge phones and laptops.

No last-minute tweaks to that PowerPoint presentation. No sorting of receipts for the expense report. No loud phone conversations while running to catch that flight.

It's a Saturday morning at the airport.

- another note from my phone

R1 to the Airport

Sitting on the R1 train on my way to the airport again. Today I'm off to Greensboro, NC, to see my girls. It has been a few weeks since I visited them, and I feel better prepared this time around.

I guess we're settling into some form of routine. Just as the calls during the week have taken on a certain predictable format, so have these visits. In a way we're "achieving" less during each call and visit, but we're doing so with significantly less tension and stress.

Overall I think this is all slowly moving in the right direction. It seems I "achieve" more by pushing less .. hm .. a life lesson that has taken me a lifetime to learn.

- another note from my phone