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Looking Forward

Looking Forward to Days Like This - Photo by ML

Looking Forward to Days Like This

— Photo by ML

My initial thought was to write about the decade that was. After all, so much had happened, and so much had changed. Good things. Bad things. Strange things. Exciting things. Mundane things. In short: life happened. This was the decade when I won it all, and then lost it all.

OK. Stop! Yes, I lost all assets and my finances will remain a total mess for years to come. But during the last half of the last year of the decade I also got my life back. And what was otherwise a very difficult decade, actually ended on a tremendous up-note. Therefore, instead of looking back, I will look forward!

I'm looking forward to lazy summer days with my girls. Sure, they'll remain in Greensboro for the foreseeable future, and I won't be able to see them as often, or even whenever, I want. But I'll keep going there on a regular basis, and I'll find additional ways (beyond phone, email, IM, etc.) to stay in touch with them several times per week.

Cruising Altitude

Cruising Altitude - Photo by Aquila

Cruising Altitude

— Photo by Aquila

We've reached our cruising altitude. It's late evening on a Friday before Christmas and I'm finally on my way home from a quick business trip to Jacksonville, FL. The weather forecast is calling for a winter storm in the North East, but the flight is on-time and we have a good tailwind. Who knows? We may even land early in Philadelphia. That would be such a perfect ending to what (with a little luck) will have been the last trip of this year. But .. let's not jinx it!

From my window seat I can barely make out a few lights on the ground through breaks in the cloud cover. The night sky is pitch black outside. The overhead lights in the cabin have been dimmed. I'm tired and can barely keep my eyes open. Actually, "worn out" is probably more accurate. This has been a very long week closing out a series of long weeks. Come to think of it: it has been a crazy year! So much work. So much travel. So many changes in my life. So much of everything — enough to fill several years.

450 Miles

At the Greensboro library - Photo by ML

At the Greensboro Children's Museum

— Photo by ML

There are about 450 miles between my girls and myself. They live in Greensboro, NC, and I live smack in the middle of Philadelphia. Or, looking at it another way: it takes about 7 hours to get there by car, or a little over 1 hour to fly there. In other words, it's not around the corner, but it's also not on a different planet.

How this all came about is a rather long and painful story. Now, several months after the battle officially ended, the dust is starting to settle slowly, and all parties involved are again trying to get used to the realities of everyday life.

Not too long ago, we all used to live together in a house in a small town in Connecticut. It's strange, but that life seems so distant now, that even I sometimes wonder if I dreamt the whole thing. Regardless, I am determined to stay close to my girls, and I make it a point to speak with them on the phone a few times per week. I also visit them as often as finances and work schedule allow, which currently means that I get to see them every 6 weeks — a very big change from seeing them everyday!

My Father

Father and Son - Photo by Justin Knol

Father and Son

— Photo by Justin Knol

I remember the first time I met my father. We met at some small third-rate restaurant in a suburb south of Stockholm where he worked as a cook. It felt strange to finally meet him, especially after all the effort that had gone into finding him. But there he was, right across the table. Up until then I had only seen one or two photographs of him, both taken sometime in the early 1960s, and I remember that I thought he looked old.

We were now trying to catch up with each other, both trying to play our designated roles: he the "father", and I the "son." It was very awkward. Fortunately there were a few other guests in the restaurant, so, from time to time, he had to get up and take care of them. We managed to mangle through a bit of smalltalk, and after a short while he went into the kitchen to cook for me — I remember that it was a something called "plankstek." We were both trying to reconnect. We both wanted to. But how do you reconnect with someone who you don't know and who you haven't seen since you were a little kid?

Urban Poverty and the Ugly Animal

Strawberry Mansion, Philadelphia - Photos by ML

Strawberry Mansion, Philadelphia

— Photos by ML

Walking through the Strawberry Mansion section in North Philadelphia is quite an experience. You can see hints of a very different world from the past in the ornate row houses and avenues. There are so many details on these brick that call out the amazing craftsmanship from another era. Inside many still have beautiful ceilings, and here and there one can still find the original leaded stained glass panels above the entrance doors. The houses usually have hardwood floors, high ceilings, and stairs with wooden balusters and hand rails...

Stop! This sounds almost like a description of the houses in Philadelphia's Society Hill section? Maybe so, but only because I left out a few details. Society Hill and Strawberry Mansion are both romantic names hinting at a glorious past, and, in terms of geography, they're actually only 4.5 miles apart. But in terms of everything else, they might as well be on different planets.

Lessons From Germany

Paderborn, Germany - Photos by ML

Paderborn, Germany

— Photos by ML

I am one week into a two-week training and conference trip to Germany, and I thought it was time to share a few observations. But before I continue, you should know that if you're looking for an insightful tips-n-tricks article for traveling to Germany, please stop reading now.

[don't worry, I will wait while you type in a new URL and/or click on a different link]

Now, one more warning: the opinions expressed in this post are highly subjective (it's my blog, dammit!), poorly researched (if at all), and most likely affected by high levels of caffeine (at least 3 cups of espresso just today).

Rebuilding My Life

Strawberry Mansion - Photo by ML

Strawberry Mansion

— Photo by ML

Now it's five months since I moved from Connecticut to a one-bedroom apartment smack in the middle of Philadelphia. And what an incredible five months it has been! Virtually every aspect of my life has changed, and with that, not only my outlook on life, but also how I view things in life.

And I must confess, that although some of the changes have been quite drastic, I'm glad it all happened. Here in Philadelphia I'm able to shed the last remnants of the "old" me and my "old" thinking. I feel much better today, much stronger, and much more positive.

A Weekend of Mixed Feelings

At the Greensboro Library - Photo by ML

At the Greensboro Library

— Photo by ML

Last weekend I went Greensboro, NC, to visit my girls. This was the first time I visited my girls in their new hometown. I got there on Saturday early afternoon — it's a quick 1.5 hour direct flight from Philadelphia to Greensboro.

When I arrived, I went straight to my rental car, programmed my GPS, and drove off to the apartment where my girls now live with my ex. Up until this point it felt almost like any other business trip to some city where I had never been before.

My girls moved with my ex to Greensboro about a month ago, and it felt strange to meet them in place that was new to me, but familiar to them. For the first time in their life, I live, at least in relative terms, far away from them. Sure, a 1.5-hour flight doesn't take you to the other side of the world, but it's also not exactly "around the corner". It's close enough to visit fairly often, but every trip does require air travel, hotel, rental car, and so on.

Saturday

Warm summer day. Ice coffee. People watching. City life. Perfectly lazy Saturday afternoon.

- another post from my phone.

iPhone Withdrawal

iPhone

I'm on a business trip and I left my phone on my desk at home in Philly! It wasn't really my fault: the phone was charging, and I had to leave at the crack of dawn to go to the airport. In other words, I was essentially sleepwalking, and can therefore not be held responsible.

Anyway, what's interesting is how utterly naked and handicapped I feel. I have become so dependent on that device. Being without a phone is bad enough. And even if you, against all odds, actually find a working pay phone .. I can't remember anyone's phone number anyway. That iPhone is my direct link to all my contacts, my schedule, Twitter, Skype, everything!

Sure, I have my laptop with me, but it's just not the same thing. You have to find a wi-fi spot, boot up and log on .. that's just way too many things .. and try that while driving.

- not a note from my phone

Last Week

What a week! I spent my last week at the "old" job at the main office in Austin, TX, working past midnight pretty much every day trying to put some finishing touches on a project.

When suddenly Friday came around it was time to hand in the company phone, laptop, access card, security token, and credit card. Sign some paperwork, say a few quick goodbyes, and then race off to the airport to catch the flight home to Philly. On Monday I'd start a new project at a new job.

Of course, that's when the weather gods conspired to keep me in Austin for one more day. My flight was canceled due to heavy storms and I was now stranded at an airport hotel with essentially nothing to do. It really didn't feel like the "weekend" — it felt like "work" without being able to get anything done.

There will be very little travel in the new job, and most of it will be day-trips between the East Coast cities — a welcome change! I really won't miss the road warrior life at all.

- another post from my phone.

Under the City

Every major city has them: huge, often underground, surreal spaces seemingly created by accident and circumstance rather than thoughtful city planning. I came accross this space on a Saturday afternoon in Philadelphia as I was trying to get to the subway from one of the 15th Street entrances.

It was absolutely surreal — the low ceiling, the dense forest of countless white pillars, the uncomfortable glow of fluorescent light. No sign of life anywhere. Not a single person, no graffiti, no advertising, nothing. Empty. Strange. Accidental left-over space.

- another post from my phone

More Realignment

Sitting at the airport waiting for yet another flight. This trip is different, though. I'm transitioning into a new phase of my life, and it's the last week at my "old" job.

I guess this "life upgrade" is really more of a "point-release" — the new "Martin 2.1" will travel less, and will work on some very exciting technology projects in an interesting and new (to me) field. This is another step towards an almost complete reinvention of myself.

- another note from my phone

Realignement

At the airport again. Have been traveling quite a bit lately. Early mornings. Late nights. So much time away from home. So much unproductive time spent in transit. So much time on weekends spent trying to catch up. So much time wasted.

Is it really worth it? What's the upside? No! It is time to realign my priorities. I know what matters .. what really matters! So now it's time to do something about it. And yes, I have a plan ;)

- another note from my phone

Missing Them

Greensboro Airport - Photo by ML

Sitting at the airport in Greensboro waiting for my flight back to Philadelphia. It's been a pretty good weekend with my girls: great weather, fun and easy-going, and no disasters.

I love picking them up. My older one is now a "reserved" teenager, but the younger one is always so excited — she comes running with boundless energy and excitement, a beaming smile, and ready for hugs and kisses. It feels so good to see them again.

Dropping them off on Sunday evening feels horrible. Last hugs and kisses. A quiet ride back to the airport alone. I feel empty. I miss them already.

- another note from my phone

1:36am

Working late at night again. It's too easy to just stay awake. Minutes and hours pass by quietly. Music in my headset.

Everything flows smoothly. I should go to bed. But I can't. I'm not tired. I can sit here for hours. I'm in the zone.

- another note from my phone

A Day Off

We're in a vintage store somewhere in Brooklyn. It's a Wednesday evening and we've taken the day off from work to spend it in New York.

First a late lunch (Jamaican patties and curried goat) on a park bench (in January!). Then an afternoon at the Brooklyn Museum.

Finally, we're invited to a birthday party later this evening. What a great day .. in the middle of the week. Kinda feels like skipping class!

- another note from my phone

First Day

North 3rd Street - Photo by ML

Easy, lazy, slow morning. Strolling through Old City with D. Rummaging through the racks at a vintage clothes store. Coffee at Cafe Ole on 3rd Street.

Plans for the year. Plans for our future. So many possibilities. So many opportunities. It's the first day of the new year, and we're off to a very good start.

- another note from my phone