many miles

Writing - Photo by Olivander

Writing these blog posts is a bit of DIY therapy. It’s similar to talking with a stranger in a bar over a few drinks — something that can be more liberating than talking with someone you know .. who may remind you later that you had that conversation, or worse, will try to “help” with a gazillion suggestions, when all you really want is to just talk and for them to shut up and at least pretend to listen.

I try to write as often as possible, and I get a bit itchy if I don’t write for a while. Sometimes it even seems as if my mind can’t move on to other topics until I’ve written about the ones in my head. The topics themselves can vary quite a bit, and I usually have several half-finished or unpolished posts lying around waiting for a bit of free time and for the writing bug to strike just right. Is there a general theme? I’m not sure; it’s part venting (and admittedly some ranting), and part musings. It can be a short note posted from my phone, or an article written over several days. It can be whatever pops into my head.

Many posts are quite personal, and while I don’t write for any particular audience, I, of course, have to take into account that someone may actually read all this. So do I self-censor? Sure, to a degree — my general guideline is that my daughters should be able to read anyone of my posts. Whether they do or don’t doesn’t really matter. It’s more that if they ever do, then what they read should not make them feel either uncomfortable or embarrassed.

As of today, I’m not sure whether they have seen this blog or not. They have never shown any interest and that’s OK too. However, my siblings, and even some of my cousins and other family members do (or at least claim to) read my posts. And while that hasn’t changed how I write or what I write about, it has led to some interesting phone conversations and email exchanges.

For example, it turns out that my mother reads my blog — I found that out when she called me to talk about one post in particular. We also talked about the blog in general, why I write, and so on. She said that these posts show different side of me, and that they help her understand better what I feel or think; much more so than our sporadic phone conversations which are usually of the “hi-how-are-you-everything-is-fine” variety. As a side note: she also mentioned that friends of hers (who I don’t know) had told her that they too had read some of my posts — something I find rather fascinating, actually.

The conversation took an interesting turn when my mother commented that some my posts were quite personal and revealing. My brother, by the way, had a similar reaction: can anyone read this? Am I not disclosing too much? How can I be comfortable with opening myself up to the world like this? They could never do this! After all, what if a stranger, or worse, if someone they knew read it?

But that’s exactly the point: writing and then posting is my way of getting it out of my system .. literally! Trust me, it can be rather liberating (or terrifying) to click the “publish” button. Suddenly your thoughts are out there for anyone to read, and, depending on what you wrote, the reactions from your readers may often surprise you .. in a good way!

Now, I’m not writing for anyone in particular, nor do I assume that a given post will even be read. Rather I write because I like to write, and if there is an audience, then all the better. Of course, it’s exciting to watch the blog post read-counter tick up as people read my posts. And when someone leaves a comment, well, then it’s Christmas coming early.

Do I write everything that’s on my mind? No, of course not. Do I self-censor more now than before? No .. well, maybe a little. I definitely weigh my words with a bit more care. But in the end, this is my blog, and for me writing is therapy. It’s talking with strangers. It’s figuring things out. It’s thinking out loud. It’s getting stuff off my chest. It helps me move on.

That’s it!