Photo by Transguyjay

I have this recurring dream where I have to get from one place to another. The dream always starts the same way: I have figured out that I need to take the car, train, bus, plane, or even a boat to get to my destination. As I start my journey, things start to happen. The train is delayed, or the bus doesn't go where I thought it would, or I can't get to the airport in time, and so on.

When this happens I figure out an alternate way to get where I need to go. Of course, at that point something else happens. My new plan soon falters, and I need to find yet another way, and so on. And while the locations in the dream change, the premise of the dream remains the same: I simple cannot get to my destination, no matter how hard I try. For every solution I find, another problem pops up.

I guess this dream is a subconscious reflection of my life in general — or at least a reflection of how I currently perceive my life. The last few years have been ... well, let's just say "trying". A long drawn-out and very painful divorce, an unbelievable workload, and what essentially amounts to a free-fall into a financial abyss, have piled up one problem after another, and each one with serious and long-reaching consequences.

Of course, my way to get through all this is to each time simply roll up my sleeves a little further, dig in a little harder, and work through it. And just like in my dream, I try to solve every problem as it's thrown at me. What I usually do not do, however, is to sit down and talk with someone. The result of that is obvious for anyone but me: at some point the mountain of problems will grow faster than I can handle, and frustration, exasperation, and exhaustion will set in — the desperate feeling of never being able to catch a break ... of never getting to the endpoint ... of always falling short no matter how hard one tries.

But a strange thing happens when somebody you trust and love believes in you — truly believes in you! Then everything changes. You feel stronger, so much stronger! No matter how difficult and outright impossible your situation seemed just moments ago — now the weight on your shoulder, while not gone, definitely feels lighter. Everything that previously was painted in dark colors now has nuances, and you can again look at problems from a different angle, and more importantly, with much more clarity.

This morning someone I trust and love told me that she believes in me ... I feel I can move mountains again.

-martin.