The Birthday That Wasn't

— Photos by ML

The day wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Not this day! It was the 6th birthday of my younger daughter, and it was supposed to be perfect. She had been looking forward to this day for so long, or, as she would put it, "foreeeeeever!" We all had. She couldn't wait to be another year older.

Like every "little" girl, my daughter wants to be a "big" girl, and every birthday gets her one step closer. Naturally, there are also many other reasons why she absolutely loves birthdays (what kid doesn't?). She gets presents and a big cake with lots of frosting (would be nothing but frosting if she had her way). But most importantly, it's her day! She dresses up in a party dress and gets to decide pretty much everything.

At the Greensboro Children's Museum

— Photo by ML

There are about 450 miles between my girls and myself. They live in Greensboro, NC, and I live smack in the middle of Philadelphia. Or, looking at it another way: it takes about 7 hours to get there by car, or a little over 1 hour to fly there. In other words, it's not around the corner, but it's also not on a different planet.

How this all came about is a rather long and painful story. Now, several months after the battle officially ended, the dust is starting to settle slowly, and all parties involved are again trying to get used to the realities of everyday life.

Not too long ago, we all used to live together in a house in a small town in Connecticut. It's strange, but that life seems so distant now, that even I sometimes wonder if I dreamt the whole thing. Regardless, I am determined to stay close to my girls, and I make it a point to speak with them on the phone a few times per week. I also visit them as often as finances and work schedule allow, which currently means that I get to see them every 6 weeks — a very big change from seeing them everyday!

Strawberry Mansion

— Photo by ML

Now it's five months since I moved from Connecticut to a one-bedroom apartment smack in the middle of Philadelphia. And what an incredible five months it has been! Virtually every aspect of my life has changed, and with that, not only my outlook on life, but also how I view things in life.

And I must confess, that although some of the changes have been quite drastic, I'm glad it all happened. Here in Philadelphia I'm able to shed the last remnants of the "old" me and my "old" thinking. I feel much better today, much stronger, and much more positive.

At the Greensboro Library

— Photo by ML

Last weekend I went Greensboro, NC, to visit my girls. This was the first time I visited my girls in their new hometown. I got there on Saturday early afternoon — it's a quick 1.5 hour direct flight from Philadelphia to Greensboro.

When I arrived, I went straight to my rental car, programmed my GPS, and drove off to the apartment where my girls now live with my ex. Up until this point it felt almost like any other business trip to some city where I had never been before.

My girls moved with my ex to Greensboro about a month ago, and it felt strange to meet them in place that was new to me, but familiar to them. For the first time in their life, I live, at least in relative terms, far away from them. Sure, a 1.5-hour flight doesn't take you to the other side of the world, but it's also not exactly "around the corner". It's close enough to visit fairly often, but every trip does require air travel, hotel, rental car, and so on.

Old Life Fighting Back

— Photos by ML and Colodio

Today I was reminded in no uncertain terms that some aspects of my "old" life aren't behind me quite yet. Like a dying monster in a B-movie, they've come back for one final showdown. What happened? Well, I found out that I may go into foreclosure. This is obviously something I've been trying to avoid, not because I want to keep the house, but because a foreclosure in your credit record just takes so much longer to erase.

My divorce completely cleaned me out. It's a bit humiliating to admit, but it's the truth. Having gotten used to the idea, though, it really doesn't bother me that much anymore. I feel that being upset over my circumstances at this point is just a total waste of energy — akin to be being angry at the weather gods.

Photo by Esther G

A few months have passed now since my divorce was finalized. But, as so often is the case, there are still some loose ends that need to be tied up, and this process therefore often requires quite a bit of communication with the now "ex". In my case, this is difficult under the best of circumstances, and it's outright painful when we have to discuss complex issues such as selling the house.

At this point I should probably clarify a few things: my ex and I have not "spoken" with each other in almost two years. There have been a few attempts that quickly ended in one of us — usually me — walking away to avoid a significant blow-up. The truth is that the animosity between us makes it impossible to carry any conversation whether by phone or email (forget in-person or IM) for more than a few sentences before it disintegrates. In fact, we only contact each other if there is absolutely no other way to get that piece of information.